Thursday, December 11, 2008
Honestly, for the sake of science, just fullscreen this:
It's not even the fact that it sounds horrible. It's just dumb. Either way, someone needs to lunge a bomb at their tour bus the next time they play a show. I think that's an instant qualifier for the Medal of Freedom.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
shamelessly stolen from the Colorado Springs Independent
NOVEMBER 20, 2008
OMG! Best movie ever!*
The stakes are high (get it?) in this vampire romance.
Carmike 10, Chapel Hills 15, Cinemark 16, Hollywood Interquest, Tinseltown
Everyone in the world should: See. This. Movie. And not just because Robert Pattinson is the best Edward there could ever be. Because it's not like this is only for people who read Stephenie Meyer's book, Twilight. It's, like, an actual grown-up movie, all serious and important.
Like, you can tell how beautiful the vampires are supposed to be because everything gets slow and sparkly when they walk by. Or, sometimes, when other important things are happening, the music gets real loud and Edward looks like he's gonna cry. Those are the best moments ever, because then it's like the director, Catherine Hardwicke, can't even move the camera from him. He's that gorgeous.
Twilight is all about Bella, who's a junior in high school, so she's pretty grown-up already, LOL! She's smart and beautiful and super-nice and everybody loves her at her new school. She's also really deep and thoughtful, which you can tell because she talks to us through the movie, and tells us her feelings and explains things that are happening. It's like you want to be her best friend, and you wish she was, because she's so cool and perfect. She's not even stuck up about being so pretty! (Bella is played by Kristen Stewart, who is also very pretty and I bet super-nice, too.)
You can tell this is a grown-up movie because of things like this: When Bella says in her voiceover, "Edward was a vampire," it totally sounds like something from a Jane Austen book. That's literature. And when Edward — who is the totally cute vampire teenager she meets at school, I forgot to say that — tells Bella, "We shouldn't be friends," it's like it's because they're in different groups at school, the vampires and the regular kids.
It's like, with everyone else being so nice to each other, the vampires are like the mean kids in a real school. I can't remember the word when something stands in for something else, but that's a literature thing, too.
Oooh, now I remember the word: ironic. I think that's when things are different than you expect, and it's surprising and also makes a theme. Like how one regular kid who doesn't know that Edward is a vampire says to Bella, "He looks at you like you're something to eat." But Edward would never do that. It's ironic because Edward is supposed to be dangerous, but he isn't at all!
He says all romantic things to Bella, like, "Your scent, it's like a drug to me." (Sigh!) But Edward is not scary like other boys, who want to, you know, do stuff. I don't mean in the movie — everyone is super-nice to Bella! — but, like, in RL. Edward can control himself, unlike other boys with "vile repulsive thoughts." That is in the movie! But don't worry, Edward rescues Bella from boys like that. He's like her knight in sparkly armor, LOL! Even though he's a vampire. That's deep.
It's, like, so totally romantic! And it's exotic, too, because Bella's Indian friend Jacob is here. He has Indian wisdom for her about vampires and stuff, and it's so cool. Of course we all know what happens with Jacob in the next book, and OMG, the next movie please!
*If you're a dreamy 12-year-old fan.